Updated: Jun 19, 2021
What is Partnering?
Partnering is simply nothing but working together with equal and shared responsibilities.
What is Parenting?
As I have mentioned in my previous post of "Mindful Parenting with 5 simple steps",
Parenting is bringing up a child/children from infancy to adulthood by supporting their physical, emotional, social and intellectual development.
So, if you want your child to be raised as a Mindful Child by being a Mindful Parent, you will have to Partner with your Child - which means you will have to share equal responsibilities of your child and work together. Now, you may ask, what kind of responsibilities will my child have?
The answer is, as you expect, the biggest and most important responsibilities of your child would be respecting you, obeying you and following your instructions.
If you wish your child to be a responsible child in the future when he/she grows up, it is the right time(when your child is less than 10 years old) to start partnering with them. You should start as early as the child is born by having mutual respect towards your child. You should respect your child equally as you may respect your business partner or a colleague, especially in the way you speak, address and acknowledge. Most often, we neglect and disrespect people who are destined to live with us for a life time(like family members - especially spouse, children and our own parents) and be respectful to those who are strangers who would be in our life for a very short term (business partners/colleagues/teachers/friends). Remember, children are the best imitators!!
As your child starts to grow, you will have to obey and follow their simple instructions by listening to them and also acknowledge by saying "Yes,I'm listening" and also definitely YOU HAVE to LISTEN to THEM. Simple instructions are nothing but when you go wrong and most of the times, the child tries to correct you with the same formula that you might have instructed him/her for the same situation.
Without getting angry and without laughing at them for being cute, ensure to acknowledge with seriousness. If you do so, you are ensuring that the instruction that you have given to them is a valid one and it got to be considered and responded with utmost attention without fun or without anger. Here, you are partnering with your child based on the rules that you set with your child by following those same rules on you.
Ask "Sorry" when they point out mistakes on you. They will do the same when you find their mistake. Say "I forgive you" every time when they ask for "Sorry". They will say "I forgive you" when you ask for "Sorry" but acknowledge them without laughing at the way they would say it sweetly. Admire their innocence secretly but these moments build values in your child for their life time. When things like "I forgive you" are said verbally, the child will develop a habit of being free of guilt, free of stress, free of carrying the burden of not forgiving or any bad feelings. And so would you!
Why am I emphasising more on forgiveness is that, it is a very sensitive and a huge task for someone to do so. Think about someone whom you have assumed that you cannot forgive. What are your emotions when you think about it? Anger, hate, frustration, vengeance?
Do you think the person whom you have not forgiven is undergoing such unproductive emotions? No!! They wouldn't even remember why you have not forgiven them. But you, on the other hand experience anxiety, depression, stress, elevated blood pressure, etc.
Do you want your child to develop all these negative effects of not forgiving as he/she grows?
If not, start this small habit of saying "Sorry" and "I forgive you" often right NOW!!
Sow the seeds today so that, as your child grows, a mindful and forgiving mentality also grows with them making their life and your life easy!
[I have mentioned "Think about someone whom you have assumed that you cannot forgive" above. Yes, not forgiving someone is your assumption. It is up to you and only up to You to be free from the cage of not forgiving someone. Think about it].
However, as adults and as experienced with extra maturity, we should differentiate between what kind of things that you should obey of your child and what kind of instructions to follow. I shall detail that in my other blog of "Types of Parenting" soon.
Beyond everything, frequently tell your child the below phrases so that your child is emotionally connected to you and feel confident always:
"I love you", "You are the best child in the world", "You are such a sweet child", " You are such an obedient child", "You are so beautiful", "You are very strong", "You are very brave", "You are always amazing", " You are so unique", "I'm so blessed to have you in my life", "I'm such a lucky parent", "I'm very proud of you", "I'm so happy to have you", etc etc.
If you are ready for a challenge, use the above phrases frequently to your child with all your acceptance, heart, mind and soul for continuous 2 weeks and see the difference in your child.
Do write to me of the miracles that will unfold!!